So I finally did it. I'm proud of myself for having the balls to put myself out there and head out to a local club and open a couple of sets. I remember lecturing myself before arriving, telling myself that I have to do this. This can't be just another night where I stay home as opportunity passes me by. I told myself I have always been an individual, I have always had to figure out everything on my own and I am a risk taker. I have overcome many challenges in life and I have never let fear be an obstacle. I want to live a life a no regrets and I will regret it if I don't get my game down. Anything worth having in this life has a price tag, it costs you something and there is always pain involved in the learning process but that's life. The walls are there to keep those people out who don't really want it.
I remember pulling into the parking lot and seeing these three white chicks with this one guy, my God those girls were hot. When I saw them I felt the fear and all the feelings of inadequency spring up. I'm Chinese, I was never able to hang with those attractive white girls and the bar is going to be full of them. For a moment fear swept over me again but I remembered the rules of inner game and I told myself your no worse than a white guy. Your experiences as an immigrant have made you strong, you are interesting because you are bi-cultural, you are no less than the white guy and you have a lot to offer a girl.
When I walked into the club I had a smile and I said whats up to the bouncer like this was my scene. He treated me like a cool guy, the bartender was attentive to me. I got myself a drink. There were two girls next to me, I felt some anxiety, tried to open but anxiety stopped me from saying anything for a while. I realized my body language was starting to get a little tense, so I relaxed again and as I leaned back I felt myself relaxing. I worried about whether or not the girl next to me would hear me if I opened, what if she was turned away and I totally make a fool out of myself. Finally I told myself that you got nothing to lose jsut do it. I waited and then I opened with a situational opener about the decorations. The girl laughed, we had good rapport, she liked sushi, I liked sushi, I should of closed asked for her number told her I knew a great place for sushi, gotten her number and then moved. Even though I didn't get a number close I still opened and got some ioi's, she leaned in, laughed at my jokes, we engaged but I was still focused on keeping the convo going so I don't think we vibed as well as we could have. I needed to make a connection and I should have capitalized more on the fact that we both liked sushi. This is not easy, I still gotta lot to learn.
I walked around and opened another set. I saw two Asian girls dancing and I told them they were in the wrong part of the club. I asked the one girl where she was from, etc. She asked about me, I told her I was Chinese. I should have busted on her or made her guess. I should have engaged her friend more so that I had both of their attention. It was kind of weird when they both ran off when their friends came back. They seemed kind of like foreigners because that girl had an accent. As Vin DiCarlo says, whenever someone does something out of the norm it means they are attracted to you. That Asian girl like ran off when her friends came back. I think she was intimidated by me. Didn't know what to do in that situation. Should I approach a second time or would that weird them out more? Anyways, that was pretty much the night. I didn't get any closes but I feel proud that I opened. I overcame that fear and I know that I am going to make a lot of fucking mistakes before I have a refined game. I need to learn to project my voice instead of shout. The place was so fucking loud. I should have tried to re-use the situational opener because it worked well but now I see the power of a simple situational observation like the ugly Christmas decorations. Definitely not easy being the lone stranger trying to open up a set of friends. I thought it was interesting how when the Asian girls friends came back, they didn't question who I was or why I was there. I think it's like Vin DiCarlo says: In a club people probably expect that kind of thing so it's socially acceptable for some guy in a club to be talking to your friends. It is a social environment after all, people go to clubs not just to dance but also hopefully meet someone.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
LH 3rd Date
Tuesday night I met up with LH. We kissed. I got some LMR from her. She said aren't we moving a little to fast, I blew it off and we just kept talking. In the future I can try to LMR her instead. I could go in for the kiss, stop short, say maybe we're moving too fast, I don't even know you yet, look away, be silent, then turn back and then kiss her. When I had dropped her off I could tell she wanted it me to kiss her. I had no idea what to do bu i think I did the right thing. I gave her a hug, so she was probably unsure what I was going in for. She was probably thinking at that time, is he going to kiss me, instead i ease that tension by not doing the kiss but just giving her a hug, then as she was about to leave the car I pulled her back and boy it was great. She then stopped me again and said maybe we shouldn't do it here in front of my parents house, I should have took her up on her offer and went somewhere else with her in my car but I was not ready to fully escalate at that point. 2 steps forward, one step back. From now on my kisses are going to be a little more forceful, I should kept the first kiss shorter and been the person to pull away. I think I might have kept it going for too long.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Post Date Wrap Up: SY
"who you are today is what your becoming tomorrow"
- Loren Cunningham
It's almost exactly a month later and I feel like I'm not the same person who wrote the october 16th blog entry. I've gotten more confident and more comfortable around attractive women. I can feel the difference in my game. Since then, I've gone on a date with LH. Tomorrow I will be going to a lecture with KM and amazingly I got to hang out with SY yesterday night. I thought I had really blown it with her just like I thought I had blown it with JK that night we broke the glass at triple but she digged me after that night.
So SY and I had dinner together. She actually paid for me! Not only that, she was the one who suggested we go to dinner together. Dinner was not cheap at all, the sushi place we went to was nice. The bubble tea was $7.00 for both of us. Sushi was $27.00. Granted that I drove her home but would she have offered to pay if she really didn't enjoy our time together? I thought the entire night went really well. She seemed like a really quiet person up until this point. To my surprise, she opened up and had a lot to say. I was worried that the ride back would be awkward and that we wouldn't have much to talk about but it wasn't like that at all. She actually started asking me allot of questions. She asked me about the cranes in my car and about how close I was to E.T. (was that another ioi?), the teddy bear from missions, my work. After a while I stopped worrying about awkward silences because the comfort was there once we got talking. I could feel that I had learned from my experiences and let her talk. I noticed the two people sitting next to us and their conversation was dominated by the guy talking about himself and the girl just sitting there and listening whereas ours was more of a back and forth exchange and good amount of laughter.
So the night ended without me putting my arm around her or making any kind of physical contact whatsoever. Not a big deal though right? My first dates with AW and my ex didn't involve any kino but I began to kino on the second. Thing I'm worried about with kino on the first date is that it makes you come off like you want something. I mean it all depends too. If your vibing like crazy on the first date than i guess you can kino on the first date but I imagine it make things awkward after that. I just have to wait for the right opportunity to come along. Need to follow up. Establish more rapport and plan a second date, perhaps a hang out with friends. I really like SY. she is gorgeous and here I am, out of all the guys in my SG who have definitely tried, i was the one who well got the first date.
Notes about SY from the first date.
- Dad is a doctor
- Allergic to her cousins cat, not all three but just one
- Likes chocolate
- Had 3 birthday parties, (shoulda picked up on that and asked her more about it)
- 100 roses delivered to her from ex-bf
- Made 600 cranes because she thought 1000 was good luck
- Traveled to HK, Japan, and the Philippines
- Secret passion was to be a ballerina/dancer, is taking traditional korean dancing classes. Dad did not want her to take those classes so she stopped.
- Likes Korean movies, just watched radiostar
Maybe I can ask her to see if she'd be interested in taking dance lessons with me? Don't tell her your ex made you stop. You don't want her to think she is taking the place of your ex.
Say, I'm thinking about taking these salsa classes down at rutgers and I'm looking for a dance partner.
- Loren Cunningham
It's almost exactly a month later and I feel like I'm not the same person who wrote the october 16th blog entry. I've gotten more confident and more comfortable around attractive women. I can feel the difference in my game. Since then, I've gone on a date with LH. Tomorrow I will be going to a lecture with KM and amazingly I got to hang out with SY yesterday night. I thought I had really blown it with her just like I thought I had blown it with JK that night we broke the glass at triple but she digged me after that night.
So SY and I had dinner together. She actually paid for me! Not only that, she was the one who suggested we go to dinner together. Dinner was not cheap at all, the sushi place we went to was nice. The bubble tea was $7.00 for both of us. Sushi was $27.00. Granted that I drove her home but would she have offered to pay if she really didn't enjoy our time together? I thought the entire night went really well. She seemed like a really quiet person up until this point. To my surprise, she opened up and had a lot to say. I was worried that the ride back would be awkward and that we wouldn't have much to talk about but it wasn't like that at all. She actually started asking me allot of questions. She asked me about the cranes in my car and about how close I was to E.T. (was that another ioi?), the teddy bear from missions, my work. After a while I stopped worrying about awkward silences because the comfort was there once we got talking. I could feel that I had learned from my experiences and let her talk. I noticed the two people sitting next to us and their conversation was dominated by the guy talking about himself and the girl just sitting there and listening whereas ours was more of a back and forth exchange and good amount of laughter.
So the night ended without me putting my arm around her or making any kind of physical contact whatsoever. Not a big deal though right? My first dates with AW and my ex didn't involve any kino but I began to kino on the second. Thing I'm worried about with kino on the first date is that it makes you come off like you want something. I mean it all depends too. If your vibing like crazy on the first date than i guess you can kino on the first date but I imagine it make things awkward after that. I just have to wait for the right opportunity to come along. Need to follow up. Establish more rapport and plan a second date, perhaps a hang out with friends. I really like SY. she is gorgeous and here I am, out of all the guys in my SG who have definitely tried, i was the one who well got the first date.
Notes about SY from the first date.
- Dad is a doctor
- Allergic to her cousins cat, not all three but just one
- Likes chocolate
- Had 3 birthday parties, (shoulda picked up on that and asked her more about it)
- 100 roses delivered to her from ex-bf
- Made 600 cranes because she thought 1000 was good luck
- Traveled to HK, Japan, and the Philippines
- Secret passion was to be a ballerina/dancer, is taking traditional korean dancing classes. Dad did not want her to take those classes so she stopped.
- Likes Korean movies, just watched radiostar
Maybe I can ask her to see if she'd be interested in taking dance lessons with me? Don't tell her your ex made you stop. You don't want her to think she is taking the place of your ex.
Say, I'm thinking about taking these salsa classes down at rutgers and I'm looking for a dance partner.
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