Sarging is one of those things you have to do with the right friends. You can't go boarding with newbies. They only slow you down. If the people around you don't have the same mentality as you then they just get in the way. My friends from CCCNJ have zero game and they just get in the way. In the past I've always avoided bring girls around to meet them and they are not socially savvy enough to want to bring a girl to meet. Playing Nintendo DS and talking about games while also making it a big deal when your talking to a girl is just not the kind of behavior you would want from a group of friends you would want a girl to meet.
VENUES:
As much as I like hanging at Karaoke bars, I want to hit up a place where there are a lot of people. Problem with Karaoke bars is that it's not really a social environment, you may see two or three sets and we're also not that into singing.
I need to start steering Cwingers to hit up some parties. At least monthly check out ACCESS NIGHTLIFE, BASENYC, MAGICMATCHPARTY, and STAGE NIGHTLIFE events. In order to bypass being stopped at the door and so we don't have to pay cover, we'll hit the clubs early. Get our names on the list, find ourselves a table, go out and sarge, leave the club at 2:00, grab some eats and head back. I can't be coming home at 5 or 6 in the morning.
We should also work on our day game. I'm thinking hanging out at malls, parks, and book stores, dividing into groups of two and practice opening sets.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
So This is What it Means to Experience Attraction
I just got back from Quentin's wedding this weekend. I can't believe it. The guys married. We're both the same age and I can't imagine being married right now. Every wedding is beautiful, it's probably the most glamourous day a monogamous relationship sees. To think that the older couples who have lost the fire in their eyes and have let themselves go all started out the same glamourous way.
I realized that Social Interaction doesn't exhaust me like it use to. Rather I'm becoming more extroverted and way more talkative. My mind is getting quicker and I feel alot more confident initiating conversation. I realize oftentimes people are just hanging out waiting for someone to lead the conversation.
I just got back from the Xmas service at L Church. Ran into a friend of mine that I knew from high school and boy did she turn my head when I saw her. She looked great, I mean really pretty. I kinda knew it was her but I never took much notice of her in High School in fact she was seemed kind of annoying back then. For a second I wasn't sure who it was because I didn't remember her looking this stunning before. She had the cutest dress thing on and this fun presence and great energy about her. Seeing her today reminded me again of what it's like to see a girl you really find attractive. All the bridesmaids this past weekend were just like blah but I tried my best to work it and so I tried to find find it in me to see them as attractive and no that they aren't attractive but just not to me. When you see a fish you like, you don't have to think twice and today with SX, I knew right away I liked this girl. I couldn't not think about her. My mind was preoccupied with her the entire time. I tried to look for her after coming back downstairs and I was worried that I had missed my opportunity to get a number or an e-mail.
Anyways, I thought we had fun talking to each other about our high school days and catching up, talking about her venture and so on. I know I still have some ways to go in my game after today.
- Escalate more physically
- Lead more. SX is a strong, confident, independent girl. You need to take charge with her. Instead of saying, "you wanna go inside?" Which she interpreted as asking for permission, just tell her. "Lets go inside".
- ISOLATE ISOLATE! Now I know why the experts are always saying isolate. This is a key move. You can't further the interaction and connect on a deeper level when there's people every where. Thing I'm finding out about social environments is that they are not very conducive to two people making a connection. There's a lot of distraction. People come in a interrupt you. Your friends or her friends can come by and jump in. It's fine once or twice, you can make introductions and it works in your favor the first couple of times because it demonstrates that you have social value but to many interruptions and you will lose her. You gotta find a place where there's not a lot of traffic. Of course you don't want to be alone in a room, that's just weird. You still want people to be around but out of the way. You should have Isolated her after exiting, coming back, re-initiating the conversation and then relocating. Take charge again.
- Always carry a pen and pencil
What Do You Look For In A Relationship Self Quiz
Please answer by putting a number from 1-5.
1. I could care less
2.
3. fairly important
4.
5. Non negotiable
Physical Appearance:
3. A girl doesn't have to look like a victoria secret model but she needs to blow me away. I don't care if other people don't think much of her. As long as she is attractive to me. They gotta be healthy/fit and someone who presents themselves well. A attractive voice is also really important.
Personality:
2. She doesn't have to be misses personality. I don't care if she's popular or not as long as she's tactful enough to not do stupid things around my friends or embarrass me in front of other people. The chemistry between the two of us is more important. What matters is that we naturally vibe and have fun times when we're together
Character:
5. I don't expect anyone to be an angel. I'm not any where close to perfect and I can forgive a lot of mistakes. I just hate people who are too prideful to apologize when they are wrong, or they aren't very forgiving, or if they are spoiled princesses. I hate bitchiness. It annoys me to no end and I have better things to do than to put up with your shit and be your punching bag. Only occasional bitchiness is tolerable. A girl needs to know how to treat a man with respect. I will not tolerate any emasculating. Period. What's really important to me in a relationship is honesty and respect. A woman who consistently treats me like a man and is honest and open with me will win my trust.
I realized that Social Interaction doesn't exhaust me like it use to. Rather I'm becoming more extroverted and way more talkative. My mind is getting quicker and I feel alot more confident initiating conversation. I realize oftentimes people are just hanging out waiting for someone to lead the conversation.
I just got back from the Xmas service at L Church. Ran into a friend of mine that I knew from high school and boy did she turn my head when I saw her. She looked great, I mean really pretty. I kinda knew it was her but I never took much notice of her in High School in fact she was seemed kind of annoying back then. For a second I wasn't sure who it was because I didn't remember her looking this stunning before. She had the cutest dress thing on and this fun presence and great energy about her. Seeing her today reminded me again of what it's like to see a girl you really find attractive. All the bridesmaids this past weekend were just like blah but I tried my best to work it and so I tried to find find it in me to see them as attractive and no that they aren't attractive but just not to me. When you see a fish you like, you don't have to think twice and today with SX, I knew right away I liked this girl. I couldn't not think about her. My mind was preoccupied with her the entire time. I tried to look for her after coming back downstairs and I was worried that I had missed my opportunity to get a number or an e-mail.
Anyways, I thought we had fun talking to each other about our high school days and catching up, talking about her venture and so on. I know I still have some ways to go in my game after today.
- Escalate more physically
- Lead more. SX is a strong, confident, independent girl. You need to take charge with her. Instead of saying, "you wanna go inside?" Which she interpreted as asking for permission, just tell her. "Lets go inside".
- ISOLATE ISOLATE! Now I know why the experts are always saying isolate. This is a key move. You can't further the interaction and connect on a deeper level when there's people every where. Thing I'm finding out about social environments is that they are not very conducive to two people making a connection. There's a lot of distraction. People come in a interrupt you. Your friends or her friends can come by and jump in. It's fine once or twice, you can make introductions and it works in your favor the first couple of times because it demonstrates that you have social value but to many interruptions and you will lose her. You gotta find a place where there's not a lot of traffic. Of course you don't want to be alone in a room, that's just weird. You still want people to be around but out of the way. You should have Isolated her after exiting, coming back, re-initiating the conversation and then relocating. Take charge again.
- Always carry a pen and pencil
What Do You Look For In A Relationship Self Quiz
Please answer by putting a number from 1-5.
1. I could care less
2.
3. fairly important
4.
5. Non negotiable
Physical Appearance:
3. A girl doesn't have to look like a victoria secret model but she needs to blow me away. I don't care if other people don't think much of her. As long as she is attractive to me. They gotta be healthy/fit and someone who presents themselves well. A attractive voice is also really important.
Personality:
2. She doesn't have to be misses personality. I don't care if she's popular or not as long as she's tactful enough to not do stupid things around my friends or embarrass me in front of other people. The chemistry between the two of us is more important. What matters is that we naturally vibe and have fun times when we're together
Character:
5. I don't expect anyone to be an angel. I'm not any where close to perfect and I can forgive a lot of mistakes. I just hate people who are too prideful to apologize when they are wrong, or they aren't very forgiving, or if they are spoiled princesses. I hate bitchiness. It annoys me to no end and I have better things to do than to put up with your shit and be your punching bag. Only occasional bitchiness is tolerable. A girl needs to know how to treat a man with respect. I will not tolerate any emasculating. Period. What's really important to me in a relationship is honesty and respect. A woman who consistently treats me like a man and is honest and open with me will win my trust.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Swinger Weekend
The better and more confident I feel about my game the harder it gets to see myself in a monogamous relationship. It seems like such a poor trade. Choice in exchange for exclusivity? I can see how people rush into monogamy and keep themselves with one person as a result of not putting yourself out there as well as desperation. This is something I noticed this weekend from our speed dating event. Your less sure of whether or not you really like a girl that you initially found interesting after talking to five or six other girls. Your no longer paying attention after seven because your mind is going numb and as DiCarlo said, "desensitized". He also said that it's "unrealistic for a man to want to have relations with that many women" which is probably why your level interest gradually declines after five.
Your mind is just a blur after thirteen dates. You can hardly tell one girl from the next and all the names are mixed up in your head. My mind needed time to sort things out and I now know who I really want to get to know. It's two days later and only three girls come to mind in the order of interest: Alix, Janice, and Alissa. I can remember a few things about Alix and Janice but nothing about Alissa except for the fact that I was kinda busting on her a little bit. I told that girl, "Yes Mike and I are friends, no we don't work together". She was fun to talk to and cute. I missed my window of opportunity to talk to some of these girls afterwards because I couldn't remember anything about anybody at the moment and other guys had already pounced on their prey like a bunch of vultures. However you never know what could have happened. Maybe they shot themselves in the foot already and they have just made it easier for me to make a stronger second impression.
THINGS LEARNED FROM SPEED DATING
- What are you passionate about, what do you like to do for fun are good questions to get her talking and also great for screening women and weeding out the boring ones.
- E-mail and number close immediately after the initial conversation and agree to put yes for each other
- Put yes or no immediately after your speed date
- If your going to be seated next to each other, do not turn away from her when you approach and sit, always turn towards her and sit, lean back against the wall and turn your head towards her with your body slightly turned towards her like your casually having a conversation at a bar. If she tells you something interesting than you can sit up and lean in a bit.
- Make friends with the guy behind and in front of you. Get his name, bust on him a little, say just wanted to see who the competition is. Give him a strong and firm handshake and make eye contact.
THINGS TO TRY NEXT TIME
- Choose one girl from the group you are seated with and tell her the following. I saw you before and thought you were the prettiest girl in the room. Anyways why don't you tell me about yourself, hmmm what would you say are three qualities about yourself that would make someone want to know you better.
- Kino Escalate more
I'm also beginning to see that women respond more to an alpha male more than anything. To be rich in relationship is to be truly rich.
Your mind is just a blur after thirteen dates. You can hardly tell one girl from the next and all the names are mixed up in your head. My mind needed time to sort things out and I now know who I really want to get to know. It's two days later and only three girls come to mind in the order of interest: Alix, Janice, and Alissa. I can remember a few things about Alix and Janice but nothing about Alissa except for the fact that I was kinda busting on her a little bit. I told that girl, "Yes Mike and I are friends, no we don't work together". She was fun to talk to and cute. I missed my window of opportunity to talk to some of these girls afterwards because I couldn't remember anything about anybody at the moment and other guys had already pounced on their prey like a bunch of vultures. However you never know what could have happened. Maybe they shot themselves in the foot already and they have just made it easier for me to make a stronger second impression.
THINGS LEARNED FROM SPEED DATING
- What are you passionate about, what do you like to do for fun are good questions to get her talking and also great for screening women and weeding out the boring ones.
- E-mail and number close immediately after the initial conversation and agree to put yes for each other
- Put yes or no immediately after your speed date
- If your going to be seated next to each other, do not turn away from her when you approach and sit, always turn towards her and sit, lean back against the wall and turn your head towards her with your body slightly turned towards her like your casually having a conversation at a bar. If she tells you something interesting than you can sit up and lean in a bit.
- Make friends with the guy behind and in front of you. Get his name, bust on him a little, say just wanted to see who the competition is. Give him a strong and firm handshake and make eye contact.
THINGS TO TRY NEXT TIME
- Choose one girl from the group you are seated with and tell her the following. I saw you before and thought you were the prettiest girl in the room. Anyways why don't you tell me about yourself, hmmm what would you say are three qualities about yourself that would make someone want to know you better.
- Kino Escalate more
I'm also beginning to see that women respond more to an alpha male more than anything. To be rich in relationship is to be truly rich.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Morning After Thoughts
Shower in the morning is a place where good ideas spring. It became more clear what happened yesterday. I remembered what Vin DiCarlo said about high and low comprehension. In a club you want to keep things low comprehension. When I tried to tell that girls from Maplewood the story about sushi conveyor belt place in palisades mall, that kind of thing is high comprehension. At a club people aren't going to be able to picture in their head this restaurant with this bar that goes around with a conveyor belt. I also think I may have over did the small talk and didn't escalate right away. Vin DiCarlo and Mystery both said things happen fast in a club. Maybe what I needed to do was begin to isolate and said something like this music is really loud, lets go somewhere that we can talk.
I was thinking today about the whole warm dominance presence that Vin talks about in Dating Diablo and it seems very consist with the whole contrast principle. I heard on David DeAngelo's interviews that conflict is interesting whereas stereotypes are boring. IF your a jock but you also play an instrument, or maybe your a geek but you are really good at paintball or something. Contrast or things that seemingly conflict when put together in one person is more interesting. The idea of warm dominance is two seemingly confliciting traits. Someone who is both inviting and nonthreatening but also a leader and in control. Neil Strauss talks about the need for balance and I think this is why opposites and contrast is interesting. Just like the feminine and the masculine are a necessary duality. The warm balances our the dominance part of your personality and vice versa. It displays strength and sensitivity and the balance of these two qualities are what women look for in a man. They don't want a macho guy or a super nice guy. They want someone who has developed the two qualities in harmony with in himself.
I was thinking today about the whole warm dominance presence that Vin talks about in Dating Diablo and it seems very consist with the whole contrast principle. I heard on David DeAngelo's interviews that conflict is interesting whereas stereotypes are boring. IF your a jock but you also play an instrument, or maybe your a geek but you are really good at paintball or something. Contrast or things that seemingly conflict when put together in one person is more interesting. The idea of warm dominance is two seemingly confliciting traits. Someone who is both inviting and nonthreatening but also a leader and in control. Neil Strauss talks about the need for balance and I think this is why opposites and contrast is interesting. Just like the feminine and the masculine are a necessary duality. The warm balances our the dominance part of your personality and vice versa. It displays strength and sensitivity and the balance of these two qualities are what women look for in a man. They don't want a macho guy or a super nice guy. They want someone who has developed the two qualities in harmony with in himself.
Friday, November 30, 2007
MY FIRST SOLO BAR PICK-UP
So I finally did it. I'm proud of myself for having the balls to put myself out there and head out to a local club and open a couple of sets. I remember lecturing myself before arriving, telling myself that I have to do this. This can't be just another night where I stay home as opportunity passes me by. I told myself I have always been an individual, I have always had to figure out everything on my own and I am a risk taker. I have overcome many challenges in life and I have never let fear be an obstacle. I want to live a life a no regrets and I will regret it if I don't get my game down. Anything worth having in this life has a price tag, it costs you something and there is always pain involved in the learning process but that's life. The walls are there to keep those people out who don't really want it.
I remember pulling into the parking lot and seeing these three white chicks with this one guy, my God those girls were hot. When I saw them I felt the fear and all the feelings of inadequency spring up. I'm Chinese, I was never able to hang with those attractive white girls and the bar is going to be full of them. For a moment fear swept over me again but I remembered the rules of inner game and I told myself your no worse than a white guy. Your experiences as an immigrant have made you strong, you are interesting because you are bi-cultural, you are no less than the white guy and you have a lot to offer a girl.
When I walked into the club I had a smile and I said whats up to the bouncer like this was my scene. He treated me like a cool guy, the bartender was attentive to me. I got myself a drink. There were two girls next to me, I felt some anxiety, tried to open but anxiety stopped me from saying anything for a while. I realized my body language was starting to get a little tense, so I relaxed again and as I leaned back I felt myself relaxing. I worried about whether or not the girl next to me would hear me if I opened, what if she was turned away and I totally make a fool out of myself. Finally I told myself that you got nothing to lose jsut do it. I waited and then I opened with a situational opener about the decorations. The girl laughed, we had good rapport, she liked sushi, I liked sushi, I should of closed asked for her number told her I knew a great place for sushi, gotten her number and then moved. Even though I didn't get a number close I still opened and got some ioi's, she leaned in, laughed at my jokes, we engaged but I was still focused on keeping the convo going so I don't think we vibed as well as we could have. I needed to make a connection and I should have capitalized more on the fact that we both liked sushi. This is not easy, I still gotta lot to learn.
I walked around and opened another set. I saw two Asian girls dancing and I told them they were in the wrong part of the club. I asked the one girl where she was from, etc. She asked about me, I told her I was Chinese. I should have busted on her or made her guess. I should have engaged her friend more so that I had both of their attention. It was kind of weird when they both ran off when their friends came back. They seemed kind of like foreigners because that girl had an accent. As Vin DiCarlo says, whenever someone does something out of the norm it means they are attracted to you. That Asian girl like ran off when her friends came back. I think she was intimidated by me. Didn't know what to do in that situation. Should I approach a second time or would that weird them out more? Anyways, that was pretty much the night. I didn't get any closes but I feel proud that I opened. I overcame that fear and I know that I am going to make a lot of fucking mistakes before I have a refined game. I need to learn to project my voice instead of shout. The place was so fucking loud. I should have tried to re-use the situational opener because it worked well but now I see the power of a simple situational observation like the ugly Christmas decorations. Definitely not easy being the lone stranger trying to open up a set of friends. I thought it was interesting how when the Asian girls friends came back, they didn't question who I was or why I was there. I think it's like Vin DiCarlo says: In a club people probably expect that kind of thing so it's socially acceptable for some guy in a club to be talking to your friends. It is a social environment after all, people go to clubs not just to dance but also hopefully meet someone.
I remember pulling into the parking lot and seeing these three white chicks with this one guy, my God those girls were hot. When I saw them I felt the fear and all the feelings of inadequency spring up. I'm Chinese, I was never able to hang with those attractive white girls and the bar is going to be full of them. For a moment fear swept over me again but I remembered the rules of inner game and I told myself your no worse than a white guy. Your experiences as an immigrant have made you strong, you are interesting because you are bi-cultural, you are no less than the white guy and you have a lot to offer a girl.
When I walked into the club I had a smile and I said whats up to the bouncer like this was my scene. He treated me like a cool guy, the bartender was attentive to me. I got myself a drink. There were two girls next to me, I felt some anxiety, tried to open but anxiety stopped me from saying anything for a while. I realized my body language was starting to get a little tense, so I relaxed again and as I leaned back I felt myself relaxing. I worried about whether or not the girl next to me would hear me if I opened, what if she was turned away and I totally make a fool out of myself. Finally I told myself that you got nothing to lose jsut do it. I waited and then I opened with a situational opener about the decorations. The girl laughed, we had good rapport, she liked sushi, I liked sushi, I should of closed asked for her number told her I knew a great place for sushi, gotten her number and then moved. Even though I didn't get a number close I still opened and got some ioi's, she leaned in, laughed at my jokes, we engaged but I was still focused on keeping the convo going so I don't think we vibed as well as we could have. I needed to make a connection and I should have capitalized more on the fact that we both liked sushi. This is not easy, I still gotta lot to learn.
I walked around and opened another set. I saw two Asian girls dancing and I told them they were in the wrong part of the club. I asked the one girl where she was from, etc. She asked about me, I told her I was Chinese. I should have busted on her or made her guess. I should have engaged her friend more so that I had both of their attention. It was kind of weird when they both ran off when their friends came back. They seemed kind of like foreigners because that girl had an accent. As Vin DiCarlo says, whenever someone does something out of the norm it means they are attracted to you. That Asian girl like ran off when her friends came back. I think she was intimidated by me. Didn't know what to do in that situation. Should I approach a second time or would that weird them out more? Anyways, that was pretty much the night. I didn't get any closes but I feel proud that I opened. I overcame that fear and I know that I am going to make a lot of fucking mistakes before I have a refined game. I need to learn to project my voice instead of shout. The place was so fucking loud. I should have tried to re-use the situational opener because it worked well but now I see the power of a simple situational observation like the ugly Christmas decorations. Definitely not easy being the lone stranger trying to open up a set of friends. I thought it was interesting how when the Asian girls friends came back, they didn't question who I was or why I was there. I think it's like Vin DiCarlo says: In a club people probably expect that kind of thing so it's socially acceptable for some guy in a club to be talking to your friends. It is a social environment after all, people go to clubs not just to dance but also hopefully meet someone.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
LH 3rd Date
Tuesday night I met up with LH. We kissed. I got some LMR from her. She said aren't we moving a little to fast, I blew it off and we just kept talking. In the future I can try to LMR her instead. I could go in for the kiss, stop short, say maybe we're moving too fast, I don't even know you yet, look away, be silent, then turn back and then kiss her. When I had dropped her off I could tell she wanted it me to kiss her. I had no idea what to do bu i think I did the right thing. I gave her a hug, so she was probably unsure what I was going in for. She was probably thinking at that time, is he going to kiss me, instead i ease that tension by not doing the kiss but just giving her a hug, then as she was about to leave the car I pulled her back and boy it was great. She then stopped me again and said maybe we shouldn't do it here in front of my parents house, I should have took her up on her offer and went somewhere else with her in my car but I was not ready to fully escalate at that point. 2 steps forward, one step back. From now on my kisses are going to be a little more forceful, I should kept the first kiss shorter and been the person to pull away. I think I might have kept it going for too long.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Post Date Wrap Up: SY
"who you are today is what your becoming tomorrow"
- Loren Cunningham
It's almost exactly a month later and I feel like I'm not the same person who wrote the october 16th blog entry. I've gotten more confident and more comfortable around attractive women. I can feel the difference in my game. Since then, I've gone on a date with LH. Tomorrow I will be going to a lecture with KM and amazingly I got to hang out with SY yesterday night. I thought I had really blown it with her just like I thought I had blown it with JK that night we broke the glass at triple but she digged me after that night.
So SY and I had dinner together. She actually paid for me! Not only that, she was the one who suggested we go to dinner together. Dinner was not cheap at all, the sushi place we went to was nice. The bubble tea was $7.00 for both of us. Sushi was $27.00. Granted that I drove her home but would she have offered to pay if she really didn't enjoy our time together? I thought the entire night went really well. She seemed like a really quiet person up until this point. To my surprise, she opened up and had a lot to say. I was worried that the ride back would be awkward and that we wouldn't have much to talk about but it wasn't like that at all. She actually started asking me allot of questions. She asked me about the cranes in my car and about how close I was to E.T. (was that another ioi?), the teddy bear from missions, my work. After a while I stopped worrying about awkward silences because the comfort was there once we got talking. I could feel that I had learned from my experiences and let her talk. I noticed the two people sitting next to us and their conversation was dominated by the guy talking about himself and the girl just sitting there and listening whereas ours was more of a back and forth exchange and good amount of laughter.
So the night ended without me putting my arm around her or making any kind of physical contact whatsoever. Not a big deal though right? My first dates with AW and my ex didn't involve any kino but I began to kino on the second. Thing I'm worried about with kino on the first date is that it makes you come off like you want something. I mean it all depends too. If your vibing like crazy on the first date than i guess you can kino on the first date but I imagine it make things awkward after that. I just have to wait for the right opportunity to come along. Need to follow up. Establish more rapport and plan a second date, perhaps a hang out with friends. I really like SY. she is gorgeous and here I am, out of all the guys in my SG who have definitely tried, i was the one who well got the first date.
Notes about SY from the first date.
- Dad is a doctor
- Allergic to her cousins cat, not all three but just one
- Likes chocolate
- Had 3 birthday parties, (shoulda picked up on that and asked her more about it)
- 100 roses delivered to her from ex-bf
- Made 600 cranes because she thought 1000 was good luck
- Traveled to HK, Japan, and the Philippines
- Secret passion was to be a ballerina/dancer, is taking traditional korean dancing classes. Dad did not want her to take those classes so she stopped.
- Likes Korean movies, just watched radiostar
Maybe I can ask her to see if she'd be interested in taking dance lessons with me? Don't tell her your ex made you stop. You don't want her to think she is taking the place of your ex.
Say, I'm thinking about taking these salsa classes down at rutgers and I'm looking for a dance partner.
- Loren Cunningham
It's almost exactly a month later and I feel like I'm not the same person who wrote the october 16th blog entry. I've gotten more confident and more comfortable around attractive women. I can feel the difference in my game. Since then, I've gone on a date with LH. Tomorrow I will be going to a lecture with KM and amazingly I got to hang out with SY yesterday night. I thought I had really blown it with her just like I thought I had blown it with JK that night we broke the glass at triple but she digged me after that night.
So SY and I had dinner together. She actually paid for me! Not only that, she was the one who suggested we go to dinner together. Dinner was not cheap at all, the sushi place we went to was nice. The bubble tea was $7.00 for both of us. Sushi was $27.00. Granted that I drove her home but would she have offered to pay if she really didn't enjoy our time together? I thought the entire night went really well. She seemed like a really quiet person up until this point. To my surprise, she opened up and had a lot to say. I was worried that the ride back would be awkward and that we wouldn't have much to talk about but it wasn't like that at all. She actually started asking me allot of questions. She asked me about the cranes in my car and about how close I was to E.T. (was that another ioi?), the teddy bear from missions, my work. After a while I stopped worrying about awkward silences because the comfort was there once we got talking. I could feel that I had learned from my experiences and let her talk. I noticed the two people sitting next to us and their conversation was dominated by the guy talking about himself and the girl just sitting there and listening whereas ours was more of a back and forth exchange and good amount of laughter.
So the night ended without me putting my arm around her or making any kind of physical contact whatsoever. Not a big deal though right? My first dates with AW and my ex didn't involve any kino but I began to kino on the second. Thing I'm worried about with kino on the first date is that it makes you come off like you want something. I mean it all depends too. If your vibing like crazy on the first date than i guess you can kino on the first date but I imagine it make things awkward after that. I just have to wait for the right opportunity to come along. Need to follow up. Establish more rapport and plan a second date, perhaps a hang out with friends. I really like SY. she is gorgeous and here I am, out of all the guys in my SG who have definitely tried, i was the one who well got the first date.
Notes about SY from the first date.
- Dad is a doctor
- Allergic to her cousins cat, not all three but just one
- Likes chocolate
- Had 3 birthday parties, (shoulda picked up on that and asked her more about it)
- 100 roses delivered to her from ex-bf
- Made 600 cranes because she thought 1000 was good luck
- Traveled to HK, Japan, and the Philippines
- Secret passion was to be a ballerina/dancer, is taking traditional korean dancing classes. Dad did not want her to take those classes so she stopped.
- Likes Korean movies, just watched radiostar
Maybe I can ask her to see if she'd be interested in taking dance lessons with me? Don't tell her your ex made you stop. You don't want her to think she is taking the place of your ex.
Say, I'm thinking about taking these salsa classes down at rutgers and I'm looking for a dance partner.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
APRROACH ANXIETY
So I successfully pulled off a warm approach tonight, I guess I'm learning how to get the hang of this. Still I feel pissed at myself that I didn't pull off a cold approach.
One of the girls I met DHV'd me. I asked her to show me her moves and she said I had to earn it. Good line, one I'll have to use in the future. "You'll have to earn it, show me something". She even did the "I asked you first". I gotta learn how to handle those responses. She's trying to make me go through her hoop.
Shoulda said,
Me: "Is it worth earning?" Turn the tables on her. Out alpha her DHV
Her: "Of course it's worth it!"
Me: "It's fine you don't have to show me if you don't want to" and smile
Turn and engage other members of the group. Make her feel left out, punish her by turning your attention away. The end goal is not to see her moves, it's to DHV. Show her you won't fall for her hoops. Don't be emasculated
Her: I asked you first, at this point i should Neg
Me: *Playfully reluctantly, kino* Okay fine, since your sooo interested . . . I'll tell you one first but you have to tell me one after that.
I noticed the girls warming up to me later on in the night. I got alot of ioi's from JK. She literally went up to me and put her hands around me. Talk about aggressive. Shoulda have said "woah there, slow down" after the first time "this ones going to cost you, you only get one free trial but I'll give you one last go because I like you", make her do a turn, turn her into me, "Alrite shows over", turn away? Is that too much?
Shoulda hit on that model
Me: My friends over there wanted me to come over and dance with you. Do you think we can dance for a bit. It'd be really embarrassing for me if you rejected me infront of all them.
Her: "Okay" Hopefully
While we're dancing go into styles qualify routine:
I need to be honest with you, My friends really did want me to come over here to dance with you. But I also wanted to come talk to you. I saw you on stage before, your one of the models right? Your really beautiful and beauty is wonderful but there are alot beautiful women but it's not the most important thing . . .
LY was leaning up against me when we were talking plus she was leaning in to everything i said. I kept cool body langauge and I got her info. Wonder if she'll facebook me. Laughing Ly.
Plus I'm terrible with names, dang it, I just can't remember anyones name. Gotta find a good recovery for not remembering a persons name. Some kinda neg hit that lets me get away with it.
I'm loving this. I see all these afc's trying so hard and just turning these women off by being to aggressive. I'm no pua right now but I'm starting to see their mistakes and I feel more confident when I talk to these girls, I wasn't nervous talking to NY or SY. I think they can sense that. I gotta remember to follow up on facebook.
I said NY wasn't exactly long term material because she's a dancer. F*ck all those ideas. WW was right. Just because a girl does that stuff doesn't mean I should judge her. Screw it! I remmeber the girl she was in HS. *Sigh, and I know she is down this path because of her dad.
Gotta follow up on NY, SY, JK, JC, JDC, LY
I need to go out more. I gotta find some wingmen and hit the clubs weekly. I need to do my first cold approach and kiss close. It's time to get more serious.
One of the girls I met DHV'd me. I asked her to show me her moves and she said I had to earn it. Good line, one I'll have to use in the future. "You'll have to earn it, show me something". She even did the "I asked you first". I gotta learn how to handle those responses. She's trying to make me go through her hoop.
Shoulda said,
Me: "Is it worth earning?" Turn the tables on her. Out alpha her DHV
Her: "Of course it's worth it!"
Me: "It's fine you don't have to show me if you don't want to" and smile
Turn and engage other members of the group. Make her feel left out, punish her by turning your attention away. The end goal is not to see her moves, it's to DHV. Show her you won't fall for her hoops. Don't be emasculated
Her: I asked you first, at this point i should Neg
Me: *Playfully reluctantly, kino* Okay fine, since your sooo interested . . . I'll tell you one first but you have to tell me one after that.
I noticed the girls warming up to me later on in the night. I got alot of ioi's from JK. She literally went up to me and put her hands around me. Talk about aggressive. Shoulda have said "woah there, slow down" after the first time "this ones going to cost you, you only get one free trial but I'll give you one last go because I like you", make her do a turn, turn her into me, "Alrite shows over", turn away? Is that too much?
Shoulda hit on that model
Me: My friends over there wanted me to come over and dance with you. Do you think we can dance for a bit. It'd be really embarrassing for me if you rejected me infront of all them.
Her: "Okay" Hopefully
While we're dancing go into styles qualify routine:
I need to be honest with you, My friends really did want me to come over here to dance with you. But I also wanted to come talk to you. I saw you on stage before, your one of the models right? Your really beautiful and beauty is wonderful but there are alot beautiful women but it's not the most important thing . . .
LY was leaning up against me when we were talking plus she was leaning in to everything i said. I kept cool body langauge and I got her info. Wonder if she'll facebook me. Laughing Ly.
Plus I'm terrible with names, dang it, I just can't remember anyones name. Gotta find a good recovery for not remembering a persons name. Some kinda neg hit that lets me get away with it.
I'm loving this. I see all these afc's trying so hard and just turning these women off by being to aggressive. I'm no pua right now but I'm starting to see their mistakes and I feel more confident when I talk to these girls, I wasn't nervous talking to NY or SY. I think they can sense that. I gotta remember to follow up on facebook.
I said NY wasn't exactly long term material because she's a dancer. F*ck all those ideas. WW was right. Just because a girl does that stuff doesn't mean I should judge her. Screw it! I remmeber the girl she was in HS. *Sigh, and I know she is down this path because of her dad.
Gotta follow up on NY, SY, JK, JC, JDC, LY
I need to go out more. I gotta find some wingmen and hit the clubs weekly. I need to do my first cold approach and kiss close. It's time to get more serious.
ASIAN GIRLS ROUTINE
OPENER
Hey I've been arguing this with my friend. She thinks that she can tell whether or not your Korean, Chinese, what not but I don't believe her.
What are you, wait, let me guess it. . . blah blah
Oh your Taiwanese? Have you ever been to Taiwan blah blah.
What do you think I am.
Or...
See if they ask what you are,
Say No to whatever they say.
I'm actually South American.
Well my friends think I'm Mexican when I get a tan.
THREAD:
How do you girls know each other? Are you all best friends?
I've noticed best friends always make the same expressions or look at each other before responding, see you girls just did it.
THREAD:
You would date a guy who doesn't eat rice?/Would you date a guy who doesn't like the same food as you?, What if he doesn't like your cooking.
THREAD:
Oh my gosh I remember this one time when I was in/ china, a family friend took me out to dinner to this place for delicacy and you won't believe what they made me eat. They serve me a dish called wolf meat, what do you think it really was?
LOCK IN ON THE TARGET
Whats your name? What's a word that starts with the first letter of your name and describes who you are?
Oh yeah? BLAH BLAH BLAH ask questions . . . etc, convey genuine interest
TURN FROM THE GROUP. ISOLATE
QUALIFY HER:
Your a beautiful girl but beauty isn't uncommon. There are allot of beautiful women around and beauty is great but there's alot more important things than just looks. Aside from your looks, what would you say are three things about you that would make someone want to get to know you more?
I find myself drawn to you, but it's more than just your looks, you have to rationalize this for me.
ASK QUESTIONS
What are you passionate about?
Are you doing what your passionate about?
BUILD COMFORT:
Talk about anything game
have you ever heard of the talk about anything game?
rules are simple
the person to start the game must say something really random
the more random the better
so the other players of the game
which is just you and me since theres just two of us
have to continue to talk about that random thing
person who runs out thigns to say loses
The key to playing this game is to act really really interested in this random topic
Neg a little say
Wow what do you have going on in that mind of yours. Have you played this before.
your the person who brought this up so you better have plenty to talk about when it comes to XYZ topic
his is going to be the most amazing conversation on XYZ you've ever had.
Finish the game by saying
i feel like we could talk about this all night
pretty darn long for a conversation on XYZ don't you think haha
i feel that this makes us have a special bond now that we've talked about XYZ.
it's like no one else can understand this but us
NEGGING
Did you know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary?
KINO: I'm just messing with you guys, the truth is . . . your a good sport.
Your eyes close when you smile, look your doing it again.
Is she always like this?
Do you have ADD. I notice your eyes wondering around,
Don't you have to be 18? Are you even old enough to be here? Can I see some ID?
KISS CLOSE
Let her talk and just stare at her
ME: Would you like to kiss me
HER: NO
ME: Who said I'd let you?
ME: Would you like to kiss me
HER: MAYBE or NO RESPONSE
Go for the kiss, draw a c around her face and pull her chin in.
ME: Just making sure :)
NUMBER CLOSE
So when were you going to ask me my number
Rip up a business card, styles number close
SEQUENCE
1. Open Group
2. Entertain Group
3. Lock-in on your target
4. Qualify the target - kino escalate
(Look for ioi's, hair touching, touching you, eye contact, compliments)
5. Build Comfort/relate to target - kino escalate
6. Show ioi's
7. Go for the kiss close
8. Number Close
9. Chat a little bit before disappearing
Hey I've been arguing this with my friend. She thinks that she can tell whether or not your Korean, Chinese, what not but I don't believe her.
What are you, wait, let me guess it. . . blah blah
Oh your Taiwanese? Have you ever been to Taiwan blah blah.
What do you think I am.
Or...
See if they ask what you are,
Say No to whatever they say.
I'm actually South American.
Well my friends think I'm Mexican when I get a tan.
THREAD:
How do you girls know each other? Are you all best friends?
I've noticed best friends always make the same expressions or look at each other before responding, see you girls just did it.
THREAD:
You would date a guy who doesn't eat rice?/Would you date a guy who doesn't like the same food as you?, What if he doesn't like your cooking.
THREAD:
Oh my gosh I remember this one time when I was in/ china, a family friend took me out to dinner to this place for delicacy and you won't believe what they made me eat. They serve me a dish called wolf meat, what do you think it really was?
LOCK IN ON THE TARGET
Whats your name? What's a word that starts with the first letter of your name and describes who you are?
Oh yeah? BLAH BLAH BLAH ask questions . . . etc, convey genuine interest
TURN FROM THE GROUP. ISOLATE
QUALIFY HER:
Your a beautiful girl but beauty isn't uncommon. There are allot of beautiful women around and beauty is great but there's alot more important things than just looks. Aside from your looks, what would you say are three things about you that would make someone want to get to know you more?
I find myself drawn to you, but it's more than just your looks, you have to rationalize this for me.
ASK QUESTIONS
What are you passionate about?
Are you doing what your passionate about?
BUILD COMFORT:
Talk about anything game
have you ever heard of the talk about anything game?
rules are simple
the person to start the game must say something really random
the more random the better
so the other players of the game
which is just you and me since theres just two of us
have to continue to talk about that random thing
person who runs out thigns to say loses
The key to playing this game is to act really really interested in this random topic
Neg a little say
Wow what do you have going on in that mind of yours. Have you played this before.
your the person who brought this up so you better have plenty to talk about when it comes to XYZ topic
his is going to be the most amazing conversation on XYZ you've ever had.
Finish the game by saying
i feel like we could talk about this all night
pretty darn long for a conversation on XYZ don't you think haha
i feel that this makes us have a special bond now that we've talked about XYZ.
it's like no one else can understand this but us
NEGGING
Did you know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary?
KINO: I'm just messing with you guys, the truth is . . . your a good sport.
Your eyes close when you smile, look your doing it again.
Is she always like this?
Do you have ADD. I notice your eyes wondering around,
Don't you have to be 18? Are you even old enough to be here? Can I see some ID?
KISS CLOSE
Let her talk and just stare at her
ME: Would you like to kiss me
HER: NO
ME: Who said I'd let you?
ME: Would you like to kiss me
HER: MAYBE or NO RESPONSE
Go for the kiss, draw a c around her face and pull her chin in.
ME: Just making sure :)
NUMBER CLOSE
So when were you going to ask me my number
Rip up a business card, styles number close
SEQUENCE
1. Open Group
2. Entertain Group
3. Lock-in on your target
4. Qualify the target - kino escalate
(Look for ioi's, hair touching, touching you, eye contact, compliments)
5. Build Comfort/relate to target - kino escalate
6. Show ioi's
7. Go for the kiss close
8. Number Close
9. Chat a little bit before disappearing
Monday, October 15, 2007
Haunted by a mistake
It's just so painful when you've made a mistake that may have cost you the opportunity get to know a girl you really find attractive. When SY asked me that question yesterday, I should have answered, built rapport. I should have waited till the end of the conversation after building some comfort to politely point out that I noticed she was cold and say "here's my jacket take it, I can't
stand to watch you so cold but don't get any ideas, I'm just trying to be polite :)." Why! I wish I could have a do-over.
On the other hand, I didn't do so bad today out with my friend EO. Opened well at the liquor store and had the set going with my fake I.D, open. Carried the conversation by asking how old they thought I looked.
Built good rapport with EO today at the bar. I think by just relating to what he was saying and improving my listening skills, correcting myself when I interject. I never realized how much I interrupted people. My ex was right after-all. Is that what I did to her? No wonder she started closing off to me. At least I listened well enough to EO today to make him feel understood.
I also had a decent conversation with the bartender. She was cute. I need to work on my threading better and leave less room for gaps. Working girls tend not to stay long. I needed to have the next thing queued up in my mind before the current topic gets boring. Should have asked for her number. I really need a nicer phone. I'm frankly embarrassed to number close with my current phone.
All the master pick-up artists innovated and synthesized. They took bits and pieces from other PUA's to create their own unique style and they added their own originality to it to make their own unique way of seduction. Pick up artist seems like such an inadequate title when it's about so much more than just pick-up.
stand to watch you so cold but don't get any ideas, I'm just trying to be polite :)." Why! I wish I could have a do-over.
On the other hand, I didn't do so bad today out with my friend EO. Opened well at the liquor store and had the set going with my fake I.D, open. Carried the conversation by asking how old they thought I looked.
Built good rapport with EO today at the bar. I think by just relating to what he was saying and improving my listening skills, correcting myself when I interject. I never realized how much I interrupted people. My ex was right after-all. Is that what I did to her? No wonder she started closing off to me. At least I listened well enough to EO today to make him feel understood.
I also had a decent conversation with the bartender. She was cute. I need to work on my threading better and leave less room for gaps. Working girls tend not to stay long. I needed to have the next thing queued up in my mind before the current topic gets boring. Should have asked for her number. I really need a nicer phone. I'm frankly embarrassed to number close with my current phone.
All the master pick-up artists innovated and synthesized. They took bits and pieces from other PUA's to create their own unique style and they added their own originality to it to make their own unique way of seduction. Pick up artist seems like such an inadequate title when it's about so much more than just pick-up.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sick of my boyish ways. I wanna be a man.
10 STUPID THINGS MEN DO TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES
1. STUPID CHIVALRY
By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworhty, immature etc.). you think your love will save/transform her.
2. STUPID INDEPENDANCE
Unwilling to admit "need" for bonding and intimacy, you hide in excesses of work, play, drink, drugs, porn, and meaningless sex.
3. STUPID AMBITION
Unable to comfortably and proudly accept your inherant importance to society and family as husband and father, you bow to the false idols of money, toys, power and status.
4. STUPID STRENGTH
Uncomfortable with feeling weak, vulnerable, useless, powerless, or rejected, you use intimidation, force, or passive- aggressiveness to regain control.
5. STUPID SEX
Taking an attraction, opportunity, or erection as a "sign," you measure your masculinity and power by sexual conquests, infidelities, and orgasms.
6. STUPID MATRIMONY
Lacking an understanding of the purpose, meaning, or value of marriage, you realize too late that you've gone down the aisle with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to fix it.
7. STUPID HUSBANDING
Thinking that marriage is the honorable discharge from loving courtship, you continue to live as though you are single and that your "mommy-wife" will take care of everything else.
8. STUPID PARENTING
Believing that only women/mothers nurture children, you withdraw from hands-on parenting to assert your masculine importance, missing out on the "soul food" of a child's hug.
9. STUPID BOYISHNESS
Having not yet worked out a comfortable emotional and social understanding with your mother, you form relationships with women that become geared to avenge, resolve, or protect you from your ties to Mommy.
10. STUPID MACHISMO
Understanding the true and meaningful difference between being male and a man, you can become a man.
From TEN STUPID THINGS MEN DO TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES (CLIFF STREET BOOKS) by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Self Evaluation
Hmmm. I feel like i'm starting to see it. The field.
I'm able to see outside myself today. As I run the game I see myself making mistakes and when I make a touchdown. It seems like a lot of new pick-up artists start at the bars. I might consider doing that but I want to start first with my own social circle for now. I don't want to throw away the friends I've already made but apply what I can to the social arenas I'm already in. I spend alot of time at work and church. Those people I run into on a daily basis, and also service people, waitresses, cashiers, etc.
Review of Today Interactions:
After service
T.H. Asked me how I was doing.
We were interrupted by GK. Lost her. Made my first big mistake. Should have immediately transitioned to introducing the two and asking if they knew each other. Finding out how they knew each other instead of shifting attention to Grace.
GK conversation went well for the most part. I opened with: "Are you here to collect and shake me down for money.". She asked me about my TLC, I talked about it briefly, Asked her about her TLC, found out they went to autumn blaze and told her about autumn blaze before it moved to the arena. I told her my towing story. Found out she was coming to joy. Overall good conversation. Should have added some more cocky and funny comments but wasn't able to think of anything funny. She responds very well to that.
Her friend Jules came in and interrupted, I'll give myself brownie pts for introducing myself so I wouldn't get boxed out although I blurted out that "I was new at joy" in order to find something to talk about. Thus i demonstrated lower value. Instead I should have asked how she knew GK. How long, how they knew each other, etc. How long she was at Joy. I think i kinda redeemed myself by saying she was 1/3 of the reason why I was here. I should have asked for her number. Be good to have on me.
I really dig SY. She's gorgeous. I think I may have bombed any chance I have with her today. She was asking me a question today, I forget what the question was. Dang it, I should have been paying attention but I think I was attentive when I noticed she was shivering. I told her to take my jacket but with some resistance, she took it, I dunno if that was a good sign or bad. I forgot to disqualify myself as a suitor by negging. I should have said, Don't get any ideas okay? I'm just giving you my jacket because I'm a gentleman :). Idiot Idiot Idiot! We're definitely not at that level of comfort where an IOI like that would be welcomed but the gentlemen in me got the better of me. I didn't want to see the girl freezing like that. It's just inconsiderate.
I can't tell if she was acting cold to me afterwards or whatever. I didn't really get a chance to initiate conversation. She's very hard to read and very quiet. She shared today about how her dad wasn't christian. I should have asked about that. I think great material for openers in these church situations is just to use the material they give you. I mean i realized we share so much with each other at church but are we really paying attention. Today I learned that. . .
- YM was most likely to cut class . . . went to rutgers 04, nichols.
- EK was best dressed
- JC best dancer
- SY best student but never studied, also dad not christian
- S does MMA and eats alot
- ET - was most inquisitive
When i first saw SY today, I started thinking of reasons why I didn't want to date a girl like that. BS reasons really. She dresses really nice so I caught myself thinking that she's too high maintenance for me. I don't make enough money to support a girl like that. That's total BS and I can't believe I was telling myself that. I'm the 10. What makes me think I'm undeserving? yeah, I'll admit it. I can feel insecure about my status sometimes because I don't got a nice car like my friend or make a big salary but worth getting to know. I go insecurities because I ain't perfect but it ain't about being perfect. It's about putting my best foot forward.
In the past I would have just forgotten all this but now I'm picking it up. I'm being more attentive and all this starts as great opener material you can use to talk to someone and express genuine interest in who they are.
I notice I start to talk too fast and then i begin to lean forward, stare off, instead of making eye contact, and my hands begin to move. too animated. Need to keep cooler demeanor. All this time I had no clue how I come off to others, now I'm starting to develop an awareness and slowly but surely I need to weed out bad habits of presentation.
This should be common knowledge but knowing it in your head is different from seeing it and know i really see SY is a quiet girl. She doesn't talk much. What works on other girls doesn't work on her. I have to pay attention to what she responds to and do more of whatever that is.
Juggler's workshop notes
Q. What if the girl is very quiet / not very talkative.
A. She may be shy or does not know how to express herself. I must give her enough room by, for example, introducing a broad topic, eg. travel, lifestyle etc. If she is still quiet - I may ask to find out why; "you seem like there is something going on in your mind . . . what is it?".
Here's my thought.
ME: SY, I've noticed that your a pretty quiet person, but I've noticed about quiet people usually have al lot on their mind. What are you thinking about?
Hmmm, so what do I say if she says she's not thinking of anything? Gotta think about that one.
We loose interest when there's no ESCALATION. Plateaus are boring. Most importantly, predictability is boring. Leaving nothing to the imagination is uninteresting. Mystery is intriguing.
I have so much more on my mind but no more time to write.
I'm able to see outside myself today. As I run the game I see myself making mistakes and when I make a touchdown. It seems like a lot of new pick-up artists start at the bars. I might consider doing that but I want to start first with my own social circle for now. I don't want to throw away the friends I've already made but apply what I can to the social arenas I'm already in. I spend alot of time at work and church. Those people I run into on a daily basis, and also service people, waitresses, cashiers, etc.
Review of Today Interactions:
After service
T.H. Asked me how I was doing.
We were interrupted by GK. Lost her. Made my first big mistake. Should have immediately transitioned to introducing the two and asking if they knew each other. Finding out how they knew each other instead of shifting attention to Grace.
GK conversation went well for the most part. I opened with: "Are you here to collect and shake me down for money.". She asked me about my TLC, I talked about it briefly, Asked her about her TLC, found out they went to autumn blaze and told her about autumn blaze before it moved to the arena. I told her my towing story. Found out she was coming to joy. Overall good conversation. Should have added some more cocky and funny comments but wasn't able to think of anything funny. She responds very well to that.
Her friend Jules came in and interrupted, I'll give myself brownie pts for introducing myself so I wouldn't get boxed out although I blurted out that "I was new at joy" in order to find something to talk about. Thus i demonstrated lower value. Instead I should have asked how she knew GK. How long, how they knew each other, etc. How long she was at Joy. I think i kinda redeemed myself by saying she was 1/3 of the reason why I was here. I should have asked for her number. Be good to have on me.
I really dig SY. She's gorgeous. I think I may have bombed any chance I have with her today. She was asking me a question today, I forget what the question was. Dang it, I should have been paying attention but I think I was attentive when I noticed she was shivering. I told her to take my jacket but with some resistance, she took it, I dunno if that was a good sign or bad. I forgot to disqualify myself as a suitor by negging. I should have said, Don't get any ideas okay? I'm just giving you my jacket because I'm a gentleman :). Idiot Idiot Idiot! We're definitely not at that level of comfort where an IOI like that would be welcomed but the gentlemen in me got the better of me. I didn't want to see the girl freezing like that. It's just inconsiderate.
I can't tell if she was acting cold to me afterwards or whatever. I didn't really get a chance to initiate conversation. She's very hard to read and very quiet. She shared today about how her dad wasn't christian. I should have asked about that. I think great material for openers in these church situations is just to use the material they give you. I mean i realized we share so much with each other at church but are we really paying attention. Today I learned that. . .
- YM was most likely to cut class . . . went to rutgers 04, nichols.
- EK was best dressed
- JC best dancer
- SY best student but never studied, also dad not christian
- S does MMA and eats alot
- ET - was most inquisitive
When i first saw SY today, I started thinking of reasons why I didn't want to date a girl like that. BS reasons really. She dresses really nice so I caught myself thinking that she's too high maintenance for me. I don't make enough money to support a girl like that. That's total BS and I can't believe I was telling myself that. I'm the 10. What makes me think I'm undeserving? yeah, I'll admit it. I can feel insecure about my status sometimes because I don't got a nice car like my friend or make a big salary but worth getting to know. I go insecurities because I ain't perfect but it ain't about being perfect. It's about putting my best foot forward.
In the past I would have just forgotten all this but now I'm picking it up. I'm being more attentive and all this starts as great opener material you can use to talk to someone and express genuine interest in who they are.
I notice I start to talk too fast and then i begin to lean forward, stare off, instead of making eye contact, and my hands begin to move. too animated. Need to keep cooler demeanor. All this time I had no clue how I come off to others, now I'm starting to develop an awareness and slowly but surely I need to weed out bad habits of presentation.
This should be common knowledge but knowing it in your head is different from seeing it and know i really see SY is a quiet girl. She doesn't talk much. What works on other girls doesn't work on her. I have to pay attention to what she responds to and do more of whatever that is.
Juggler's workshop notes
Q. What if the girl is very quiet / not very talkative.
A. She may be shy or does not know how to express herself. I must give her enough room by, for example, introducing a broad topic, eg. travel, lifestyle etc. If she is still quiet - I may ask to find out why; "you seem like there is something going on in your mind . . . what is it?".
Here's my thought.
ME: SY, I've noticed that your a pretty quiet person, but I've noticed about quiet people usually have al lot on their mind. What are you thinking about?
Hmmm, so what do I say if she says she's not thinking of anything? Gotta think about that one.
We loose interest when there's no ESCALATION. Plateaus are boring. Most importantly, predictability is boring. Leaving nothing to the imagination is uninteresting. Mystery is intriguing.
I have so much more on my mind but no more time to write.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
One journey ends and another begins
"The art of the cold approach pick up is both elegant and noble"
- Mystery.
- Mystery.
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