A pick up artist mindset often gives off something incredibly disingenuine. I noticed a lot of the NYC pua guys put so much emphasis on closing. Leading the interaction forward should definitely be on your mind but you shouldn't go into a group thinking about how you have to get the digits at the end. Think about a friend whose talking to you but has a favor to ask you. You can tell instantly that the small talk is just a means to an end. You and I can sense agenda's very easily. We can tell a pushy car salesman versus one that helps us make a purchase. A helpful sales guy will tell you if their product is not right for you. Instead of the mentality of going out and picking up girls. Have the mindset of I'm going out tonight to have fun. The inner state is what will communicate the right vibe and body language. People are naturally socially intelligent meaning our brains automatically can sense the states and emotions of others and respond to them. We do this without even thinking about it by picking up subtle signals given of by face or body and inflections in the voice. You can't even force a genuine smile. Certain muscles in your muscles won't respond without the feelings to back it up. What you can do is get yourself into the right mental state and your body language, tone of voice, etc will follow and people will pick up on that. You gotta learn to enjoy talking and meeting new people and feel comfortable doing it. When you approach with that internalized, your positive vibe will be what gets people to respond to you in a friendly way.
Now it's a known fact that our body responds to how we feel inside and the reverse is also true. If you walk into a club and your feeling a bit tense or nervous, go get yourself a drink, grab yourself a seat and sit back, relax your body and your mind will follow. Slip into a calm relaxed state. Remind yourself that your here to have a good time. Take your time, there's no rush, finish your drink. Don't even worry about the other people in the club. Who cares if they see you sitting by yourself. For all they know your waiting for a friend. Plenty of people step away from the crowd to just take breather or sit at the bar and have a drink. No one even gives a shit what your doing when they see you looking calm and relaxed. People only look like chumps when they are standing around with the "what the hell am I doing here" expression on their face and body.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
POST CWINGERS NIGHT
Sarging is one of those things you have to do with the right friends. You can't go boarding with newbies. They only slow you down. If the people around you don't have the same mentality as you then they just get in the way. My friends from CCCNJ have zero game and they just get in the way. In the past I've always avoided bring girls around to meet them and they are not socially savvy enough to want to bring a girl to meet. Playing Nintendo DS and talking about games while also making it a big deal when your talking to a girl is just not the kind of behavior you would want from a group of friends you would want a girl to meet.
VENUES:
As much as I like hanging at Karaoke bars, I want to hit up a place where there are a lot of people. Problem with Karaoke bars is that it's not really a social environment, you may see two or three sets and we're also not that into singing.
I need to start steering Cwingers to hit up some parties. At least monthly check out ACCESS NIGHTLIFE, BASENYC, MAGICMATCHPARTY, and STAGE NIGHTLIFE events. In order to bypass being stopped at the door and so we don't have to pay cover, we'll hit the clubs early. Get our names on the list, find ourselves a table, go out and sarge, leave the club at 2:00, grab some eats and head back. I can't be coming home at 5 or 6 in the morning.
We should also work on our day game. I'm thinking hanging out at malls, parks, and book stores, dividing into groups of two and practice opening sets.
VENUES:
As much as I like hanging at Karaoke bars, I want to hit up a place where there are a lot of people. Problem with Karaoke bars is that it's not really a social environment, you may see two or three sets and we're also not that into singing.
I need to start steering Cwingers to hit up some parties. At least monthly check out ACCESS NIGHTLIFE, BASENYC, MAGICMATCHPARTY, and STAGE NIGHTLIFE events. In order to bypass being stopped at the door and so we don't have to pay cover, we'll hit the clubs early. Get our names on the list, find ourselves a table, go out and sarge, leave the club at 2:00, grab some eats and head back. I can't be coming home at 5 or 6 in the morning.
We should also work on our day game. I'm thinking hanging out at malls, parks, and book stores, dividing into groups of two and practice opening sets.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
So This is What it Means to Experience Attraction
I just got back from Quentin's wedding this weekend. I can't believe it. The guys married. We're both the same age and I can't imagine being married right now. Every wedding is beautiful, it's probably the most glamourous day a monogamous relationship sees. To think that the older couples who have lost the fire in their eyes and have let themselves go all started out the same glamourous way.
I realized that Social Interaction doesn't exhaust me like it use to. Rather I'm becoming more extroverted and way more talkative. My mind is getting quicker and I feel alot more confident initiating conversation. I realize oftentimes people are just hanging out waiting for someone to lead the conversation.
I just got back from the Xmas service at L Church. Ran into a friend of mine that I knew from high school and boy did she turn my head when I saw her. She looked great, I mean really pretty. I kinda knew it was her but I never took much notice of her in High School in fact she was seemed kind of annoying back then. For a second I wasn't sure who it was because I didn't remember her looking this stunning before. She had the cutest dress thing on and this fun presence and great energy about her. Seeing her today reminded me again of what it's like to see a girl you really find attractive. All the bridesmaids this past weekend were just like blah but I tried my best to work it and so I tried to find find it in me to see them as attractive and no that they aren't attractive but just not to me. When you see a fish you like, you don't have to think twice and today with SX, I knew right away I liked this girl. I couldn't not think about her. My mind was preoccupied with her the entire time. I tried to look for her after coming back downstairs and I was worried that I had missed my opportunity to get a number or an e-mail.
Anyways, I thought we had fun talking to each other about our high school days and catching up, talking about her venture and so on. I know I still have some ways to go in my game after today.
- Escalate more physically
- Lead more. SX is a strong, confident, independent girl. You need to take charge with her. Instead of saying, "you wanna go inside?" Which she interpreted as asking for permission, just tell her. "Lets go inside".
- ISOLATE ISOLATE! Now I know why the experts are always saying isolate. This is a key move. You can't further the interaction and connect on a deeper level when there's people every where. Thing I'm finding out about social environments is that they are not very conducive to two people making a connection. There's a lot of distraction. People come in a interrupt you. Your friends or her friends can come by and jump in. It's fine once or twice, you can make introductions and it works in your favor the first couple of times because it demonstrates that you have social value but to many interruptions and you will lose her. You gotta find a place where there's not a lot of traffic. Of course you don't want to be alone in a room, that's just weird. You still want people to be around but out of the way. You should have Isolated her after exiting, coming back, re-initiating the conversation and then relocating. Take charge again.
- Always carry a pen and pencil
What Do You Look For In A Relationship Self Quiz
Please answer by putting a number from 1-5.
1. I could care less
2.
3. fairly important
4.
5. Non negotiable
Physical Appearance:
3. A girl doesn't have to look like a victoria secret model but she needs to blow me away. I don't care if other people don't think much of her. As long as she is attractive to me. They gotta be healthy/fit and someone who presents themselves well. A attractive voice is also really important.
Personality:
2. She doesn't have to be misses personality. I don't care if she's popular or not as long as she's tactful enough to not do stupid things around my friends or embarrass me in front of other people. The chemistry between the two of us is more important. What matters is that we naturally vibe and have fun times when we're together
Character:
5. I don't expect anyone to be an angel. I'm not any where close to perfect and I can forgive a lot of mistakes. I just hate people who are too prideful to apologize when they are wrong, or they aren't very forgiving, or if they are spoiled princesses. I hate bitchiness. It annoys me to no end and I have better things to do than to put up with your shit and be your punching bag. Only occasional bitchiness is tolerable. A girl needs to know how to treat a man with respect. I will not tolerate any emasculating. Period. What's really important to me in a relationship is honesty and respect. A woman who consistently treats me like a man and is honest and open with me will win my trust.
I realized that Social Interaction doesn't exhaust me like it use to. Rather I'm becoming more extroverted and way more talkative. My mind is getting quicker and I feel alot more confident initiating conversation. I realize oftentimes people are just hanging out waiting for someone to lead the conversation.
I just got back from the Xmas service at L Church. Ran into a friend of mine that I knew from high school and boy did she turn my head when I saw her. She looked great, I mean really pretty. I kinda knew it was her but I never took much notice of her in High School in fact she was seemed kind of annoying back then. For a second I wasn't sure who it was because I didn't remember her looking this stunning before. She had the cutest dress thing on and this fun presence and great energy about her. Seeing her today reminded me again of what it's like to see a girl you really find attractive. All the bridesmaids this past weekend were just like blah but I tried my best to work it and so I tried to find find it in me to see them as attractive and no that they aren't attractive but just not to me. When you see a fish you like, you don't have to think twice and today with SX, I knew right away I liked this girl. I couldn't not think about her. My mind was preoccupied with her the entire time. I tried to look for her after coming back downstairs and I was worried that I had missed my opportunity to get a number or an e-mail.
Anyways, I thought we had fun talking to each other about our high school days and catching up, talking about her venture and so on. I know I still have some ways to go in my game after today.
- Escalate more physically
- Lead more. SX is a strong, confident, independent girl. You need to take charge with her. Instead of saying, "you wanna go inside?" Which she interpreted as asking for permission, just tell her. "Lets go inside".
- ISOLATE ISOLATE! Now I know why the experts are always saying isolate. This is a key move. You can't further the interaction and connect on a deeper level when there's people every where. Thing I'm finding out about social environments is that they are not very conducive to two people making a connection. There's a lot of distraction. People come in a interrupt you. Your friends or her friends can come by and jump in. It's fine once or twice, you can make introductions and it works in your favor the first couple of times because it demonstrates that you have social value but to many interruptions and you will lose her. You gotta find a place where there's not a lot of traffic. Of course you don't want to be alone in a room, that's just weird. You still want people to be around but out of the way. You should have Isolated her after exiting, coming back, re-initiating the conversation and then relocating. Take charge again.
- Always carry a pen and pencil
What Do You Look For In A Relationship Self Quiz
Please answer by putting a number from 1-5.
1. I could care less
2.
3. fairly important
4.
5. Non negotiable
Physical Appearance:
3. A girl doesn't have to look like a victoria secret model but she needs to blow me away. I don't care if other people don't think much of her. As long as she is attractive to me. They gotta be healthy/fit and someone who presents themselves well. A attractive voice is also really important.
Personality:
2. She doesn't have to be misses personality. I don't care if she's popular or not as long as she's tactful enough to not do stupid things around my friends or embarrass me in front of other people. The chemistry between the two of us is more important. What matters is that we naturally vibe and have fun times when we're together
Character:
5. I don't expect anyone to be an angel. I'm not any where close to perfect and I can forgive a lot of mistakes. I just hate people who are too prideful to apologize when they are wrong, or they aren't very forgiving, or if they are spoiled princesses. I hate bitchiness. It annoys me to no end and I have better things to do than to put up with your shit and be your punching bag. Only occasional bitchiness is tolerable. A girl needs to know how to treat a man with respect. I will not tolerate any emasculating. Period. What's really important to me in a relationship is honesty and respect. A woman who consistently treats me like a man and is honest and open with me will win my trust.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Swinger Weekend
The better and more confident I feel about my game the harder it gets to see myself in a monogamous relationship. It seems like such a poor trade. Choice in exchange for exclusivity? I can see how people rush into monogamy and keep themselves with one person as a result of not putting yourself out there as well as desperation. This is something I noticed this weekend from our speed dating event. Your less sure of whether or not you really like a girl that you initially found interesting after talking to five or six other girls. Your no longer paying attention after seven because your mind is going numb and as DiCarlo said, "desensitized". He also said that it's "unrealistic for a man to want to have relations with that many women" which is probably why your level interest gradually declines after five.
Your mind is just a blur after thirteen dates. You can hardly tell one girl from the next and all the names are mixed up in your head. My mind needed time to sort things out and I now know who I really want to get to know. It's two days later and only three girls come to mind in the order of interest: Alix, Janice, and Alissa. I can remember a few things about Alix and Janice but nothing about Alissa except for the fact that I was kinda busting on her a little bit. I told that girl, "Yes Mike and I are friends, no we don't work together". She was fun to talk to and cute. I missed my window of opportunity to talk to some of these girls afterwards because I couldn't remember anything about anybody at the moment and other guys had already pounced on their prey like a bunch of vultures. However you never know what could have happened. Maybe they shot themselves in the foot already and they have just made it easier for me to make a stronger second impression.
THINGS LEARNED FROM SPEED DATING
- What are you passionate about, what do you like to do for fun are good questions to get her talking and also great for screening women and weeding out the boring ones.
- E-mail and number close immediately after the initial conversation and agree to put yes for each other
- Put yes or no immediately after your speed date
- If your going to be seated next to each other, do not turn away from her when you approach and sit, always turn towards her and sit, lean back against the wall and turn your head towards her with your body slightly turned towards her like your casually having a conversation at a bar. If she tells you something interesting than you can sit up and lean in a bit.
- Make friends with the guy behind and in front of you. Get his name, bust on him a little, say just wanted to see who the competition is. Give him a strong and firm handshake and make eye contact.
THINGS TO TRY NEXT TIME
- Choose one girl from the group you are seated with and tell her the following. I saw you before and thought you were the prettiest girl in the room. Anyways why don't you tell me about yourself, hmmm what would you say are three qualities about yourself that would make someone want to know you better.
- Kino Escalate more
I'm also beginning to see that women respond more to an alpha male more than anything. To be rich in relationship is to be truly rich.
Your mind is just a blur after thirteen dates. You can hardly tell one girl from the next and all the names are mixed up in your head. My mind needed time to sort things out and I now know who I really want to get to know. It's two days later and only three girls come to mind in the order of interest: Alix, Janice, and Alissa. I can remember a few things about Alix and Janice but nothing about Alissa except for the fact that I was kinda busting on her a little bit. I told that girl, "Yes Mike and I are friends, no we don't work together". She was fun to talk to and cute. I missed my window of opportunity to talk to some of these girls afterwards because I couldn't remember anything about anybody at the moment and other guys had already pounced on their prey like a bunch of vultures. However you never know what could have happened. Maybe they shot themselves in the foot already and they have just made it easier for me to make a stronger second impression.
THINGS LEARNED FROM SPEED DATING
- What are you passionate about, what do you like to do for fun are good questions to get her talking and also great for screening women and weeding out the boring ones.
- E-mail and number close immediately after the initial conversation and agree to put yes for each other
- Put yes or no immediately after your speed date
- If your going to be seated next to each other, do not turn away from her when you approach and sit, always turn towards her and sit, lean back against the wall and turn your head towards her with your body slightly turned towards her like your casually having a conversation at a bar. If she tells you something interesting than you can sit up and lean in a bit.
- Make friends with the guy behind and in front of you. Get his name, bust on him a little, say just wanted to see who the competition is. Give him a strong and firm handshake and make eye contact.
THINGS TO TRY NEXT TIME
- Choose one girl from the group you are seated with and tell her the following. I saw you before and thought you were the prettiest girl in the room. Anyways why don't you tell me about yourself, hmmm what would you say are three qualities about yourself that would make someone want to know you better.
- Kino Escalate more
I'm also beginning to see that women respond more to an alpha male more than anything. To be rich in relationship is to be truly rich.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Morning After Thoughts
Shower in the morning is a place where good ideas spring. It became more clear what happened yesterday. I remembered what Vin DiCarlo said about high and low comprehension. In a club you want to keep things low comprehension. When I tried to tell that girls from Maplewood the story about sushi conveyor belt place in palisades mall, that kind of thing is high comprehension. At a club people aren't going to be able to picture in their head this restaurant with this bar that goes around with a conveyor belt. I also think I may have over did the small talk and didn't escalate right away. Vin DiCarlo and Mystery both said things happen fast in a club. Maybe what I needed to do was begin to isolate and said something like this music is really loud, lets go somewhere that we can talk.
I was thinking today about the whole warm dominance presence that Vin talks about in Dating Diablo and it seems very consist with the whole contrast principle. I heard on David DeAngelo's interviews that conflict is interesting whereas stereotypes are boring. IF your a jock but you also play an instrument, or maybe your a geek but you are really good at paintball or something. Contrast or things that seemingly conflict when put together in one person is more interesting. The idea of warm dominance is two seemingly confliciting traits. Someone who is both inviting and nonthreatening but also a leader and in control. Neil Strauss talks about the need for balance and I think this is why opposites and contrast is interesting. Just like the feminine and the masculine are a necessary duality. The warm balances our the dominance part of your personality and vice versa. It displays strength and sensitivity and the balance of these two qualities are what women look for in a man. They don't want a macho guy or a super nice guy. They want someone who has developed the two qualities in harmony with in himself.
I was thinking today about the whole warm dominance presence that Vin talks about in Dating Diablo and it seems very consist with the whole contrast principle. I heard on David DeAngelo's interviews that conflict is interesting whereas stereotypes are boring. IF your a jock but you also play an instrument, or maybe your a geek but you are really good at paintball or something. Contrast or things that seemingly conflict when put together in one person is more interesting. The idea of warm dominance is two seemingly confliciting traits. Someone who is both inviting and nonthreatening but also a leader and in control. Neil Strauss talks about the need for balance and I think this is why opposites and contrast is interesting. Just like the feminine and the masculine are a necessary duality. The warm balances our the dominance part of your personality and vice versa. It displays strength and sensitivity and the balance of these two qualities are what women look for in a man. They don't want a macho guy or a super nice guy. They want someone who has developed the two qualities in harmony with in himself.
Friday, November 30, 2007
MY FIRST SOLO BAR PICK-UP
So I finally did it. I'm proud of myself for having the balls to put myself out there and head out to a local club and open a couple of sets. I remember lecturing myself before arriving, telling myself that I have to do this. This can't be just another night where I stay home as opportunity passes me by. I told myself I have always been an individual, I have always had to figure out everything on my own and I am a risk taker. I have overcome many challenges in life and I have never let fear be an obstacle. I want to live a life a no regrets and I will regret it if I don't get my game down. Anything worth having in this life has a price tag, it costs you something and there is always pain involved in the learning process but that's life. The walls are there to keep those people out who don't really want it.
I remember pulling into the parking lot and seeing these three white chicks with this one guy, my God those girls were hot. When I saw them I felt the fear and all the feelings of inadequency spring up. I'm Chinese, I was never able to hang with those attractive white girls and the bar is going to be full of them. For a moment fear swept over me again but I remembered the rules of inner game and I told myself your no worse than a white guy. Your experiences as an immigrant have made you strong, you are interesting because you are bi-cultural, you are no less than the white guy and you have a lot to offer a girl.
When I walked into the club I had a smile and I said whats up to the bouncer like this was my scene. He treated me like a cool guy, the bartender was attentive to me. I got myself a drink. There were two girls next to me, I felt some anxiety, tried to open but anxiety stopped me from saying anything for a while. I realized my body language was starting to get a little tense, so I relaxed again and as I leaned back I felt myself relaxing. I worried about whether or not the girl next to me would hear me if I opened, what if she was turned away and I totally make a fool out of myself. Finally I told myself that you got nothing to lose jsut do it. I waited and then I opened with a situational opener about the decorations. The girl laughed, we had good rapport, she liked sushi, I liked sushi, I should of closed asked for her number told her I knew a great place for sushi, gotten her number and then moved. Even though I didn't get a number close I still opened and got some ioi's, she leaned in, laughed at my jokes, we engaged but I was still focused on keeping the convo going so I don't think we vibed as well as we could have. I needed to make a connection and I should have capitalized more on the fact that we both liked sushi. This is not easy, I still gotta lot to learn.
I walked around and opened another set. I saw two Asian girls dancing and I told them they were in the wrong part of the club. I asked the one girl where she was from, etc. She asked about me, I told her I was Chinese. I should have busted on her or made her guess. I should have engaged her friend more so that I had both of their attention. It was kind of weird when they both ran off when their friends came back. They seemed kind of like foreigners because that girl had an accent. As Vin DiCarlo says, whenever someone does something out of the norm it means they are attracted to you. That Asian girl like ran off when her friends came back. I think she was intimidated by me. Didn't know what to do in that situation. Should I approach a second time or would that weird them out more? Anyways, that was pretty much the night. I didn't get any closes but I feel proud that I opened. I overcame that fear and I know that I am going to make a lot of fucking mistakes before I have a refined game. I need to learn to project my voice instead of shout. The place was so fucking loud. I should have tried to re-use the situational opener because it worked well but now I see the power of a simple situational observation like the ugly Christmas decorations. Definitely not easy being the lone stranger trying to open up a set of friends. I thought it was interesting how when the Asian girls friends came back, they didn't question who I was or why I was there. I think it's like Vin DiCarlo says: In a club people probably expect that kind of thing so it's socially acceptable for some guy in a club to be talking to your friends. It is a social environment after all, people go to clubs not just to dance but also hopefully meet someone.
I remember pulling into the parking lot and seeing these three white chicks with this one guy, my God those girls were hot. When I saw them I felt the fear and all the feelings of inadequency spring up. I'm Chinese, I was never able to hang with those attractive white girls and the bar is going to be full of them. For a moment fear swept over me again but I remembered the rules of inner game and I told myself your no worse than a white guy. Your experiences as an immigrant have made you strong, you are interesting because you are bi-cultural, you are no less than the white guy and you have a lot to offer a girl.
When I walked into the club I had a smile and I said whats up to the bouncer like this was my scene. He treated me like a cool guy, the bartender was attentive to me. I got myself a drink. There were two girls next to me, I felt some anxiety, tried to open but anxiety stopped me from saying anything for a while. I realized my body language was starting to get a little tense, so I relaxed again and as I leaned back I felt myself relaxing. I worried about whether or not the girl next to me would hear me if I opened, what if she was turned away and I totally make a fool out of myself. Finally I told myself that you got nothing to lose jsut do it. I waited and then I opened with a situational opener about the decorations. The girl laughed, we had good rapport, she liked sushi, I liked sushi, I should of closed asked for her number told her I knew a great place for sushi, gotten her number and then moved. Even though I didn't get a number close I still opened and got some ioi's, she leaned in, laughed at my jokes, we engaged but I was still focused on keeping the convo going so I don't think we vibed as well as we could have. I needed to make a connection and I should have capitalized more on the fact that we both liked sushi. This is not easy, I still gotta lot to learn.
I walked around and opened another set. I saw two Asian girls dancing and I told them they were in the wrong part of the club. I asked the one girl where she was from, etc. She asked about me, I told her I was Chinese. I should have busted on her or made her guess. I should have engaged her friend more so that I had both of their attention. It was kind of weird when they both ran off when their friends came back. They seemed kind of like foreigners because that girl had an accent. As Vin DiCarlo says, whenever someone does something out of the norm it means they are attracted to you. That Asian girl like ran off when her friends came back. I think she was intimidated by me. Didn't know what to do in that situation. Should I approach a second time or would that weird them out more? Anyways, that was pretty much the night. I didn't get any closes but I feel proud that I opened. I overcame that fear and I know that I am going to make a lot of fucking mistakes before I have a refined game. I need to learn to project my voice instead of shout. The place was so fucking loud. I should have tried to re-use the situational opener because it worked well but now I see the power of a simple situational observation like the ugly Christmas decorations. Definitely not easy being the lone stranger trying to open up a set of friends. I thought it was interesting how when the Asian girls friends came back, they didn't question who I was or why I was there. I think it's like Vin DiCarlo says: In a club people probably expect that kind of thing so it's socially acceptable for some guy in a club to be talking to your friends. It is a social environment after all, people go to clubs not just to dance but also hopefully meet someone.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
LH 3rd Date
Tuesday night I met up with LH. We kissed. I got some LMR from her. She said aren't we moving a little to fast, I blew it off and we just kept talking. In the future I can try to LMR her instead. I could go in for the kiss, stop short, say maybe we're moving too fast, I don't even know you yet, look away, be silent, then turn back and then kiss her. When I had dropped her off I could tell she wanted it me to kiss her. I had no idea what to do bu i think I did the right thing. I gave her a hug, so she was probably unsure what I was going in for. She was probably thinking at that time, is he going to kiss me, instead i ease that tension by not doing the kiss but just giving her a hug, then as she was about to leave the car I pulled her back and boy it was great. She then stopped me again and said maybe we shouldn't do it here in front of my parents house, I should have took her up on her offer and went somewhere else with her in my car but I was not ready to fully escalate at that point. 2 steps forward, one step back. From now on my kisses are going to be a little more forceful, I should kept the first kiss shorter and been the person to pull away. I think I might have kept it going for too long.
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